Thing #153: Spontaneity is fun.
Yesterday, Ian and I were both off from work (which doesn't happen often) so we decided to do something fun. Then we remembered we live in Opelika, AL. Not much to do here, so we went to explore the city and found ourselves in a rundown shopping plaza with a handful of odd stores including the Armchair Safari Pet Center. Well, we both love animals, so we headed in.
We got out of the car and were blasted by the sound of what we think was a bird that screamed across the parking lot, sounding a bit like someone experiencing a slow painful death. We hesitated, turned to face one another. Was this such a good idea after all? Too late to turn back; we slowly walked in, greeted by two massive parrots, a couple smaller birds, and rows of fish tanks, but not a person in sight. We stared down a large wooden tunnel like structure in the center of the room and up two steps. It was lined with fish tanks on either side and simply labeled "The Gazebo" by a pasteboard sign written in sharpie and taped to the entrance.
"You can go in." We turned to see who had spoken. It was an Arab man with a thick beard who had mysteriously appeared behind us, smiling curiously. We nodded politely and made our way through "The Gazebo" to the back of the store where we saw another such sign that read "Furry Animals". We walked back to find some gerbils, a couple of rats, and some white fluffy things that never moved and didn't look very alive. After this we decided it was time to leave. On the way out, we passed a nice looking couple with their young daughter standing frozen in the door with wide eyes. Obviously their experience was similar to ours.
But the spontaneity did not end there! Around midnight Ian decided to let me cut his hair. No, I have never cut hair before. Yes, I sent him to a real barber today to fix it.
The Chimp
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 08, 2009
End Tables Aweigh
Thing #152: End tables can float.
I learned this one the other day when I came upon and end table in the middle of my lane on a back road. Being a concerned citizen I put on my four-way flashers and hopped out of my car, into the pouring rain, to remove the safety hazard. Once I was out of the car, another car pulled up behind mine and proceeded to wait for me. Being, again, a concerned citizen, I quickly thrust the table to the side of the road in order to keep traffic moving (up here, two cars are traffic).
That's when I noticed the end table had lifted its anchors and was floating "merrily, merrily, merrily, gently down the stream." In this case said stream was actually more of a large storm drain bursting its banks. So, being, as we have established, a concerned citizen, I quickly ran to the back of my car, rescued the end table from the raging waters, and securely placed it on the side of the road where its owner could find it if he/she/it/they so desired. It was gone when I went by today. <------------(This is a rather abrupt ending.)
Kiwifruit
I learned this one the other day when I came upon and end table in the middle of my lane on a back road. Being a concerned citizen I put on my four-way flashers and hopped out of my car, into the pouring rain, to remove the safety hazard. Once I was out of the car, another car pulled up behind mine and proceeded to wait for me. Being, again, a concerned citizen, I quickly thrust the table to the side of the road in order to keep traffic moving (up here, two cars are traffic).
That's when I noticed the end table had lifted its anchors and was floating "merrily, merrily, merrily, gently down the stream." In this case said stream was actually more of a large storm drain bursting its banks. So, being, as we have established, a concerned citizen, I quickly ran to the back of my car, rescued the end table from the raging waters, and securely placed it on the side of the road where its owner could find it if he/she/it/they so desired. It was gone when I went by today. <------------(This is a rather abrupt ending.)
Kiwifruit
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
On the Road Again
Thing #151: Road Projects are not always meant to improve said road.
It's true. I always assumed that when a new construction project was taken up, the end goal was supposed to be better than where it started, but apparently that isn't so.
Example 1: Last year they demolished a decent, though not in great condition, road nearby. After finally repaving the road, it was actually in better shape, so I assumed they were finished. Wrong. They came back and cut a strange rectangular hole in the new road. Then, eventually, they filled the hole with pavement that doesn't quite line up with new paving around it, making it like a little misshapen speed bump tucked away in one lane. But still this wasn't the end. Over the next few weeks, they cut two similar holes and did an awful job filling them. You would think whatever needed to be done could have been when the road was demolished, it's not like they hurried to repave it.
Example 2: The beginning of January they went to the road connecting to the first one. (All these roads, by the way, make up my commute to work). This time they demolished the old road leaving a sad dirt path with chunks of old road and manhole covers sticking a few feet above the ground in places. About three weeks later they finally started the repaving process. It wasn't bad at this point, except they left about a two foot wide gap between the new paving and the old roads that intersect, and the pavement on the old roads sits about two feet higher.
A week or so after this phase, the man hole covers were miraculously back a couple of feet above the pavement. It went on this way for most of February. Until about a week ago that is. Now, right at the intersection where I turn on to this road, in the lane I need to turn in to, there is one of those mysterious rectangular holes, this time longer, wider, and deeper. So how is my tax money helping keep Alabama's roads up? It's not. I'm paying them to cut holes in my roads so I can drive through an obstacle course every day. Well, there are still two roads I drive on in my commute. I suppose they will decide to "improve" those next.
The Chimp
It's true. I always assumed that when a new construction project was taken up, the end goal was supposed to be better than where it started, but apparently that isn't so.
Example 1: Last year they demolished a decent, though not in great condition, road nearby. After finally repaving the road, it was actually in better shape, so I assumed they were finished. Wrong. They came back and cut a strange rectangular hole in the new road. Then, eventually, they filled the hole with pavement that doesn't quite line up with new paving around it, making it like a little misshapen speed bump tucked away in one lane. But still this wasn't the end. Over the next few weeks, they cut two similar holes and did an awful job filling them. You would think whatever needed to be done could have been when the road was demolished, it's not like they hurried to repave it.
Example 2: The beginning of January they went to the road connecting to the first one. (All these roads, by the way, make up my commute to work). This time they demolished the old road leaving a sad dirt path with chunks of old road and manhole covers sticking a few feet above the ground in places. About three weeks later they finally started the repaving process. It wasn't bad at this point, except they left about a two foot wide gap between the new paving and the old roads that intersect, and the pavement on the old roads sits about two feet higher.
A week or so after this phase, the man hole covers were miraculously back a couple of feet above the pavement. It went on this way for most of February. Until about a week ago that is. Now, right at the intersection where I turn on to this road, in the lane I need to turn in to, there is one of those mysterious rectangular holes, this time longer, wider, and deeper. So how is my tax money helping keep Alabama's roads up? It's not. I'm paying them to cut holes in my roads so I can drive through an obstacle course every day. Well, there are still two roads I drive on in my commute. I suppose they will decide to "improve" those next.
The Chimp
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Writing, With Firm Resolve
Thing #150: The Declaration of Independance includes the phrase "manly firmness."
So was reading the Declaration of Independance today (how often do you get to say that?) which I thought I knew fairly well. It turns out there is a lot more to it than I thought. Beyond open explanations that I already knew (all the stuff about unalienable rights and the pursuit of happiness) the document actually includes a list of grievences against the King of Great Britain, including the following,
"He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.*"
Now, I would certainly not argue that the Founding Fathers were not manly or resolute, but it just wasn't the phrase I expected. I would have thought they would say something like 'opposing with great resolve' or 'opposing with resolute will.' At any rate, I'm sure the Founding Fathers knew what they were doing. Maybe manly firmness is more eloquent than I think. Or maybe they didn't want to be eloquent.
Happy Presidents Day
Kiwifruit
*-The Declaration of Independance
So was reading the Declaration of Independance today (how often do you get to say that?) which I thought I knew fairly well. It turns out there is a lot more to it than I thought. Beyond open explanations that I already knew (all the stuff about unalienable rights and the pursuit of happiness) the document actually includes a list of grievences against the King of Great Britain, including the following,
"He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.*"
Now, I would certainly not argue that the Founding Fathers were not manly or resolute, but it just wasn't the phrase I expected. I would have thought they would say something like 'opposing with great resolve' or 'opposing with resolute will.' At any rate, I'm sure the Founding Fathers knew what they were doing. Maybe manly firmness is more eloquent than I think. Or maybe they didn't want to be eloquent.
Happy Presidents Day
Kiwifruit
*-The Declaration of Independance
Saturday, February 07, 2009
One Kiwi Show
Thing #149: Phil posts more on this blog than any of the other contributers.
Now I am sure your wondering how I know this. No, your probably thinking "That's obvious, I read the blog and I can count." Well, it probably should have been obvious to me, but I actually didn't come to this conclusion from counting his posts.
The truth is, I was scrolling through the blog, as I do every day wishing there was a new post to read, when I noticed the list on the side of labels used on each post. The labels were ordered according to how many posts carried that particular one. At the very top of the list was 'Katherine' with 17, and at a close second 'food' with 16. Yep, that just screams Phil.
Not a quality post, but it's something to be sure, and all your going to get out of me at 4:18 a.m.
At least next time I check the blog I'll see something new, even if I did post it.
Here's to post 150! May it be better than this one.
Goodnight.
The Chimp
Now I am sure your wondering how I know this. No, your probably thinking "That's obvious, I read the blog and I can count." Well, it probably should have been obvious to me, but I actually didn't come to this conclusion from counting his posts.
The truth is, I was scrolling through the blog, as I do every day wishing there was a new post to read, when I noticed the list on the side of labels used on each post. The labels were ordered according to how many posts carried that particular one. At the very top of the list was 'Katherine' with 17, and at a close second 'food' with 16. Yep, that just screams Phil.
Not a quality post, but it's something to be sure, and all your going to get out of me at 4:18 a.m.
At least next time I check the blog I'll see something new, even if I did post it.
Here's to post 150! May it be better than this one.
Goodnight.
The Chimp
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The H()le Truth
Thing #148: Snow can be very deceptive.
As you may be aware, most of the United States has been coping with large amounts of snowfall, including Northern New York. You, however my not be aware that my church is nearing the end of a major building project which has spanned, depending on who you talk to, anywhere from five years to the past century. I think it is closer to the former.
So, in the interest of helping out and getting to play with neat tools, I have been going down to the church the last few Thursday nights and working on the church. Mostly I've been insulating heating ducts, which means working in a thin T-shirt when it's freezing outside and still sweating.
On a recent visit, I was headed back to my car when I noticed a van parked in the path most easily accessible. So I decide to cut across a snow covered area that looked something like the chart below.
^----------------------------------^
As you can see there were two mounds of snow with a long, flat path between them. At least that's what I saw. Removing the snow you would get the following chart.
| |
|_________________________|
That's right. It was a big hole. Below the two charts are merged to give you an idea what was actually going on.
^----------------------------------^
|_______________________|
I'm sure you have surmised what happened next
^-------- ---------------^
|______\____/____________|
Yep, that indentation is where I landed after jumping over the first mound. Talk about a rude awakening. I managed to claw my way out and go home, but there was a brief moment of panic.
Moral: Looking before you leap is no help at all.
Kiwifruit
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
(===========) <------Viking Longboat :)
///////////
Birthdays
What we know is that birthdays are inevitable. We all have them.
What you might not know is that more times then not my birthday has fallen on a date where unnecessary travel in our county is not recommended. Often as a child plans for my birthday have fallen through.
This year, wiser as I am instead of planning events for my actual birthday we planned them for the day before. Although the weather was not spectacular we were still able to make the trip to Syracuse, watch a movie, consume copious amounts of cold stone creamery ice cream and hoffmann hotdogs, shop and have a great time.
The next day , as predicted, Phil and I were snowed in, unable to venture out to church or anywhere else until the evening. Luckily we had a cake mix in the cupboard and we were able to persevere. It was a good birthday :)
What you might not know is that more times then not my birthday has fallen on a date where unnecessary travel in our county is not recommended. Often as a child plans for my birthday have fallen through.
This year, wiser as I am instead of planning events for my actual birthday we planned them for the day before. Although the weather was not spectacular we were still able to make the trip to Syracuse, watch a movie, consume copious amounts of cold stone creamery ice cream and hoffmann hotdogs, shop and have a great time.
The next day , as predicted, Phil and I were snowed in, unable to venture out to church or anywhere else until the evening. Luckily we had a cake mix in the cupboard and we were able to persevere. It was a good birthday :)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
0 Grams Trans Fat*
Thing #146: Nutritional facts can be decieving, so remember to read the fine print.
So, tonight was my father's birthday. (Happy Birthday, by the way). Anyways, as is tradition he got to choose his birthday dinner, and as is tradition, he chose cheesburgers and tatertots. Same thing he chooses every year. So, I was waiting for the oil to heat up to deep fry the tatertots (It's important to point out here that I dumped half the bottle in the pot) and I started examining the bottle. Ian pointed out that it said "No trans fat".
Ian: Ah! See, no fat in it.
Me: No trans fat, there's a differnce, and as you well know, trans fat is a myth. It doesn't seem to be in anything.
Ian: Right, so how much reglular fat is in it?
Naturally, I turned the bottle around to check the nutritional facts which read: 14g fat. 14 grams, not bad, right? That's what I thought. Than I read the servings. Serving size: 1 tablespoon, servings per container: 252. Ok, so I used half the bottle, that's 176 servings or 2,464 grams of fat.
(Sorry dad, not intending to bash the health qualities of your meal... wait, you probably never thought cheeseburgers and tatertots were in any way healthy)
The moral of the story: Always read the serving size, and NEVER assume "no trans fat" means "healthy".
The Chimp
*Serving Size: 1 Paragraph
Servings per post: about 6
Total Fat: 1,487 g
Trans Fat: 0 g
So, tonight was my father's birthday. (Happy Birthday, by the way). Anyways, as is tradition he got to choose his birthday dinner, and as is tradition, he chose cheesburgers and tatertots. Same thing he chooses every year. So, I was waiting for the oil to heat up to deep fry the tatertots (It's important to point out here that I dumped half the bottle in the pot) and I started examining the bottle. Ian pointed out that it said "No trans fat".
Ian: Ah! See, no fat in it.
Me: No trans fat, there's a differnce, and as you well know, trans fat is a myth. It doesn't seem to be in anything.
Ian: Right, so how much reglular fat is in it?
Naturally, I turned the bottle around to check the nutritional facts which read: 14g fat. 14 grams, not bad, right? That's what I thought. Than I read the servings. Serving size: 1 tablespoon, servings per container: 252. Ok, so I used half the bottle, that's 176 servings or 2,464 grams of fat.
(Sorry dad, not intending to bash the health qualities of your meal... wait, you probably never thought cheeseburgers and tatertots were in any way healthy)
The moral of the story: Always read the serving size, and NEVER assume "no trans fat" means "healthy".
The Chimp
*Serving Size: 1 Paragraph
Servings per post: about 6
Total Fat: 1,487 g
Trans Fat: 0 g
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