End Tables Aweigh

Thing #152: End tables can float.

I learned this one the other day when I came upon and end table in the middle of my lane on a back road. Being a concerned citizen I put on my four-way flashers and hopped out of my car, into the pouring rain, to remove the safety hazard. Once I was out of the car, another car pulled up behind mine and proceeded to wait for me. Being, again, a concerned citizen, I quickly thrust the table to the side of the road in order to keep traffic moving (up here, two cars are traffic).

That's when I noticed the end table had lifted its anchors and was floating "merrily, merrily, merrily, gently down the stream." In this case said stream was actually more of a large storm drain bursting its banks. So, being, as we have established, a concerned citizen, I quickly ran to the back of my car, rescued the end table from the raging waters, and securely placed it on the side of the road where its owner could find it if he/she/it/they so desired. It was gone when I went by today. <------------(This is a rather abrupt ending.)

Kiwifruit

The H()le Truth

Thing #148: Snow can be very deceptive.

As you may be aware, most of the United States has been coping with large amounts of snowfall, including Northern New York. You, however my not be aware that my church is nearing the end of a major building project which has spanned, depending on who you talk to, anywhere from five years to the past century. I think it is closer to the former.

So, in the interest of helping out and getting to play with neat tools, I have been going down to the church the last few Thursday nights and working on the church. Mostly I've been insulating heating ducts, which means working in a thin T-shirt when it's freezing outside and still sweating.

On a recent visit, I was headed back to my car when I noticed a van parked in the path most easily accessible. So I decide to cut across a snow covered area that looked something like the chart below.

^----------------------------------^

As you can see there were two mounds of snow with a long, flat path between them. At least that's what I saw. Removing the snow you would get the following chart.

|                                            |

|_________________________|

That's right. It was a big hole. Below the two charts are merged to give you an idea what was actually going on.

^----------------------------------^

  |_______________________|

I'm sure you have surmised what happened next

^--------             ---------------^

|______\____/____________|

Yep, that indentation is where I landed after jumping over the first mound. Talk about a rude awakening. I managed to claw my way out and go home, but there was a brief moment of panic. 

Moral: Looking before you leap is no help at all.

Kiwifruit

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(===========) <------Viking Longboat :)

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Gone With the Wind

Thing #128: If the remnants of a major hurricane are heading towards your area, it's wise to secure your trash can.

I'm sure everyone's heard by now about Ike the hurricane that tore across America. We in Northern New York ususually don't worry too much about hurricanes, for the same reason people in Miami don't usually worry about snowstorms, they don't usually occur here. However, last night the in its final blow Ike tore through the area blowing over trees and taking down large swaths of the local power grid.

So, when I got up this morning and I had power and none of my trees were down, and my tomato plant was still sitting merrily on my porch roof, I thought nothing was amiss. That is until I went down with a load of stinky trash to put it in our cheap plastic garbage can. It seems said can took this as the perfect opportunity to runaway to some home with trash that is less stinky. Oh, well, c'est la vie (Two years of French and that's about all I know). Next time I'm tying the can to the tomato plant.

Kiwifruit

Words, Part 2

Thing #103: Phrases are just as dangerous as words.

This afternoon, I was relaxing and playing guitar waiting for house guests to arrive for dinner, when my wife yells for me to come kill a bug. Being a man, I rushed in and slapped the offending insect with my hand. After Katherine left the room I noticed the bug was still moving, dying a slow painful death, so I began looking for something to kill it with. At this point, Katherine yelled from the kitchen to ask me if I would do some dishes. I, of course, wanted to kill the insect first and replied with, "First I want to finish this bug off." Completely innocent. This is when Katherine asked me what I said and I realized that responding to a request from your wife with a sentence that ends with "Bug off" is probably not the best idea. She had heard any of what I said, and so I shared this with her. She got a good laugh out of it. I'm going to turn off the computer now, before it is struck by lightning.

Kiwifruit

Spring, Here We Come

Thing #97: If Spring won't come to you, you've got to go to Spring.

March and it's still snowing in New York.

That's why I'm in Alabama.

I'm typing this from my father's giant orange armchair.

I love vacations.

Kiwifruit

Never Perfect Radio

Thing #96: National Public Radio is a liar.

It's true. Yesterday our local station reported that we would be getting eight to sixteen inches of snow this weekend. I despaired. I went back to the office at the end of the day and told Dan what I'd heard. He didn't believe me. He was smart. It turns out we will be getting no snow this weekend. I'm glad for that. Still, I'll feel pretty dumb when I go back to work Monday. Dang NPR.

Kiwifruit.

Will Someone Please Remove This Month From the Building

Thing #94: If March goes out like a lion, February has to be dragged away by security, kicking and screaming.

Every month has its theme, its motif, its, dare I say, personality. You know what I mean. July is the patriot, waving flags and testing us with its heat. May is the NHL playoff timme and someone's birthday is (just in case anyone forgot). And February is the month that, at least up here, clobbers us over the head with snow and then drops to below 0 temperatures to freeze us under an immovable floor of ice. Not a very friendly month. Then there's March.

March is normally the month that smiles warmly on us, thawing the snow and ice, so April showers can bring May flowers (and playoffs). March is benevolent, kind and friendly. Maybe that explains what has happened. See, when it came time March showed up, smiling and preparing its warmth, then BAM!!!! February clobbered March over the head declaring it would never give up, and cackling maniacally.

As you may know, we up here in the North Country had a rather sizable winter storm this past weekend. This explains why I spent an hour and a half shoveling to get the car loose so we could get to church Sunday. Then, another 30-45 minutes when we got home so I could get the car back in. I didn't mind. It was March. It would melt soon. Then I got up this morning. It was -10. No problem, it'll pass. Then I saw the weather today. Next weekend low 20's and 30's. I'm so glad we're going to Alabama.

Kiwifruit