Thing #103: Phrases are just as dangerous as words.
This afternoon, I was relaxing and playing guitar waiting for house guests to arrive for dinner, when my wife yells for me to come kill a bug. Being a man, I rushed in and slapped the offending insect with my hand. After Katherine left the room I noticed the bug was still moving, dying a slow painful death, so I began looking for something to kill it with. At this point, Katherine yelled from the kitchen to ask me if I would do some dishes. I, of course, wanted to kill the insect first and replied with, "First I want to finish this bug off." Completely innocent. This is when Katherine asked me what I said and I realized that responding to a request from your wife with a sentence that ends with "Bug off" is probably not the best idea. She had heard any of what I said, and so I shared this with her. She got a good laugh out of it. I'm going to turn off the computer now, before it is struck by lightning.
Kiwifruit
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
What It Takes
Thing #102: It takes a special kind of person to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.
That type of person is a sheep, or a lemming, or a dumb dog. Pretty much anyone who is willing to think the best of a group of people no matter how often they are proven wrong is a good candidate. Case in point: The Flyers built a 3-1 lead in their playoff series. In hockey, this is the equivalent of the point in the movie where the good guy has finally outsmart the bad guy, knocked the sword out of his hand, and has but to take him into custody.
Now, we are at game seven. Out of the last 226 series with 3-1 deficits only 20 teams have come back to win. You can always count on the Flyers to beat the odds to lose. Granted, I am being a bit premature. The Flyers could win tonight, manage to stay alive. The point is even if they do, this turnaround simply confirms what Flyers fans have known for a long, long time (since 1976), the Flyers seem to excel at finding ways to lose.
That being said, I am hopeful. This is another trait of loyal Flyers fans. No matter how many times our team manages to lose, we are always hopeful. This is probably because the Flyers have a knack for being really, really good, until they collapse. However, this year is different. Instead of the usual string of aging, soon-to-be retired/free agent ex-superstars we usually put together we have a crisp, young group of players whose best years are still ahead of them. Even if we do lose tonight, we'll be back next year. And we'll be better. Assuming we don't trade everybody again.
Kiwifruit
That type of person is a sheep, or a lemming, or a dumb dog. Pretty much anyone who is willing to think the best of a group of people no matter how often they are proven wrong is a good candidate. Case in point: The Flyers built a 3-1 lead in their playoff series. In hockey, this is the equivalent of the point in the movie where the good guy has finally outsmart the bad guy, knocked the sword out of his hand, and has but to take him into custody.
Now, we are at game seven. Out of the last 226 series with 3-1 deficits only 20 teams have come back to win. You can always count on the Flyers to beat the odds to lose. Granted, I am being a bit premature. The Flyers could win tonight, manage to stay alive. The point is even if they do, this turnaround simply confirms what Flyers fans have known for a long, long time (since 1976), the Flyers seem to excel at finding ways to lose.
That being said, I am hopeful. This is another trait of loyal Flyers fans. No matter how many times our team manages to lose, we are always hopeful. This is probably because the Flyers have a knack for being really, really good, until they collapse. However, this year is different. Instead of the usual string of aging, soon-to-be retired/free agent ex-superstars we usually put together we have a crisp, young group of players whose best years are still ahead of them. Even if we do lose tonight, we'll be back next year. And we'll be better. Assuming we don't trade everybody again.
Kiwifruit
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Happy Birthday, Grandpa
Thing #101: There are some thing you just can't forget.
Today is my grandfather's birthday. At least it's day I remember it falling on. I remember it whenever I see it in writing or on a calendar. He died in 2003. I thought it fitting to write a tribute to him and the things I remember about him.
I remember coming to see him, he'd be wearing his favorite shirt (no shirt at all). I still refer to wearing no shirt as 'wearing grandpa's favorite shirt. I remember the Spanish peanuts with the red skins he always had at his house. I remember the frog he used to have in the living room, that croaked whenever you walked by. I remember the way my sister used to call him 'grumpy, grouchy, grampy.'
I just thought it was fitting to remember him today. Happy birthday grandpa.
Kiwifruit
Today is my grandfather's birthday. At least it's day I remember it falling on. I remember it whenever I see it in writing or on a calendar. He died in 2003. I thought it fitting to write a tribute to him and the things I remember about him.
I remember coming to see him, he'd be wearing his favorite shirt (no shirt at all). I still refer to wearing no shirt as 'wearing grandpa's favorite shirt. I remember the Spanish peanuts with the red skins he always had at his house. I remember the frog he used to have in the living room, that croaked whenever you walked by. I remember the way my sister used to call him 'grumpy, grouchy, grampy.'
I just thought it was fitting to remember him today. Happy birthday grandpa.
Kiwifruit
Stalling Out On Memory Lane
Thing #100: I love special events.
You know things like the Superbowl, the Stanley Cup Playoffs (GO FLYERS!!!), Series/Season Finales on TV, Weddings, 100th Blog Posts. Yes, it's true, this is my 100th blog post. And it only took 3 -1/2 years. 2-1/2 if you don't count the missing year (2007, 0 posts). At any rate this seems like as good a time as any to look back and say, "What were we thinking?!" So, now the moment you have absolutely not been waiting for . . .
THE TOP 10 THINGS WE'VE LEARNED:
10. You can fix a sandal with ducttape (Thing #58, MacGyver Could've, 06-20-05)
9. The best way to get instant name recognition in a group, is to bring cookies. (Thing #92, Now All I Need Is Some Milk, 03-02-08)
8. Severed chicken heads can be cute. (Thing #80, Chicken Heads and Other Items, 01-16-06)
7. Just because you think someone you know may have liked a movie, doesn't mean you should rent the remake. (Thing #74, Be Careful Whom You Fly With, 12-24-05)
6. Before removing the LED from an FS-C5016 (This is a color printer) you must "sufficiently do let escape the static electricity which is electrified in the human body concerning the metal part and the like of the aqueduct faucet, after that do work.*" (Thing #88, Like an Aqueduct, Eh?, 02-28-08)
5. If your boss leaves you to answer phones and they don't ring for a long period of time, get suspicious. (Thing# 48, Your Call Is Very Important to Us . . ., 05-20-05)
4. If the teacher asks, "Do they still throw chairs on Jerry Springer?" Don't be too quick to answer. (Thing #33, And You Know This How?, 01-20-05)
3. Handzi the stuffed sloth can fit all the way through the ice dispenser on our refrigerator. (Thing # 1, It Begins, 11-24-04)
2. When you go to take off a flat tire, make sure the parking brake is engaged. (Thing #41, On a Roll, 04-21-05)
1. There are some problems that can only be solved with an eight pound sledge-hammer. (Thing #47, WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!, 05-17-05)
There you have it. I was going to do commentary on each one, but that seems a bit excessive now. Maybe I'll save that for 200. I will, however, copy the footnote that goes with the asterisk on #6. Aren't I so nice.
Kiwifruit
*- Kyocera KM-5016 Service Manual (Rev. 1.4)
You know things like the Superbowl, the Stanley Cup Playoffs (GO FLYERS!!!), Series/Season Finales on TV, Weddings, 100th Blog Posts. Yes, it's true, this is my 100th blog post. And it only took 3 -1/2 years. 2-1/2 if you don't count the missing year (2007, 0 posts). At any rate this seems like as good a time as any to look back and say, "What were we thinking?!" So, now the moment you have absolutely not been waiting for . . .
THE TOP 10 THINGS WE'VE LEARNED:
10. You can fix a sandal with ducttape (Thing #58, MacGyver Could've, 06-20-05)
9. The best way to get instant name recognition in a group, is to bring cookies. (Thing #92, Now All I Need Is Some Milk, 03-02-08)
8. Severed chicken heads can be cute. (Thing #80, Chicken Heads and Other Items, 01-16-06)
7. Just because you think someone you know may have liked a movie, doesn't mean you should rent the remake. (Thing #74, Be Careful Whom You Fly With, 12-24-05)
6. Before removing the LED from an FS-C5016 (This is a color printer) you must "sufficiently do let escape the static electricity which is electrified in the human body concerning the metal part and the like of the aqueduct faucet, after that do work.*" (Thing #88, Like an Aqueduct, Eh?, 02-28-08)
5. If your boss leaves you to answer phones and they don't ring for a long period of time, get suspicious. (Thing# 48, Your Call Is Very Important to Us . . ., 05-20-05)
4. If the teacher asks, "Do they still throw chairs on Jerry Springer?" Don't be too quick to answer. (Thing #33, And You Know This How?, 01-20-05)
3. Handzi the stuffed sloth can fit all the way through the ice dispenser on our refrigerator. (Thing # 1, It Begins, 11-24-04)
2. When you go to take off a flat tire, make sure the parking brake is engaged. (Thing #41, On a Roll, 04-21-05)
1. There are some problems that can only be solved with an eight pound sledge-hammer. (Thing #47, WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!, 05-17-05)
There you have it. I was going to do commentary on each one, but that seems a bit excessive now. Maybe I'll save that for 200. I will, however, copy the footnote that goes with the asterisk on #6. Aren't I so nice.
Kiwifruit
*- Kyocera KM-5016 Service Manual (Rev. 1.4)
Monday, April 14, 2008
Laughing Like A Danish
Thing #99: Every letter in Matt is the first on it's respective number on a standard cell phone.
I just programmed my friend Matt's new number in my phone. I thought this was cool. In case you haven't notice I could have major surgery (which I haven't) and you would never know from reading this blog, but this make it on here. Personally I think these insights are much more interesting. So do the 0 people who read my blog regularly. You can't argue with statistics.
Also, you should know that I was going to blog on here about what a good sense of humor the Danes have, and how the world would be so much better if we were all like them. That would've been silly. In case you were wondering Matt isn't Danish. He might like danishes, but then again, who doesn't? Think about that for while. Then go have a danish.
Kiwifruit
P.S. I accidently leaned on the enter button and didn't want all the enters to go to waste. Excited about post 100? Oh well, at least I am.
I just programmed my friend Matt's new number in my phone. I thought this was cool. In case you haven't notice I could have major surgery (which I haven't) and you would never know from reading this blog, but this make it on here. Personally I think these insights are much more interesting. So do the 0 people who read my blog regularly. You can't argue with statistics.
Also, you should know that I was going to blog on here about what a good sense of humor the Danes have, and how the world would be so much better if we were all like them. That would've been silly. In case you were wondering Matt isn't Danish. He might like danishes, but then again, who doesn't? Think about that for while. Then go have a danish.
Kiwifruit
P.S. I accidently leaned on the enter button and didn't want all the enters to go to waste. Excited about post 100? Oh well, at least I am.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Keep Dreaming
Thing #98: Dreams can come true, just hopefully not all of them.
The Philadelphia Flyers have now officially made the playoffs. For those who haven't been paying attention it went something like this. The Flyers destroyed their competition and climbed to the top. Then they went, "Hey, were at the top, let's kick back and relax." Then they fell to the bottom. Then they woke up and just barely scraped their way into the playoffs.
On the other hand I had a dream last night that John McCain was announcing his running mate. It was my cousin. Like I said, not all of them.
Maybe I'll pick up Silent Mountain again. (<--- I did.)
Kiwifruit
The Philadelphia Flyers have now officially made the playoffs. For those who haven't been paying attention it went something like this. The Flyers destroyed their competition and climbed to the top. Then they went, "Hey, were at the top, let's kick back and relax." Then they fell to the bottom. Then they woke up and just barely scraped their way into the playoffs.
On the other hand I had a dream last night that John McCain was announcing his running mate. It was my cousin. Like I said, not all of them.
Maybe I'll pick up Silent Mountain again. (<--- I did.)
Kiwifruit
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