Thing #124: It's never too late to realize how brilliant a song line is.
So, I'm sitting on my futon playing my guitar a few minutes ago when I have a revelation, or maybe an epiphany. I'm not sure what it takes to get to the level of 'epiphany', so I'll just go with revelation. Anyway, I'm playing this song, "Close of Autumn" by Caedmon's Call. Now I first heard this song in 1997 or so and learned to play it several years ago. Then I run across the following line.
"I guess I'll drop my anger here/Before I float away"
I always thought it was a neat line, and felt like there was something different about that I could put my finger on. Now, I know your probably wonder what it is, but you probably already know. It's just a bit obvious, especially when you read it aloud. This is clearly a play on the similarity, soundwise, of anger and anchor. It took me far too many years to catch that. Brilliant.
Kiwifruit
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Welcome Homes
Thing #123: Both of the guys running for president have a lot of money.
As you can imagine this was quite a shock for me. I just always assumed that all politician were good hearted saints who gave all of thier money to the poor, at least all the money they haven't spent helping save cute little puppies.
Seriously, though, now we've got this huge flap about John McCain having loads of houses, which they seem to have countered by pointing out that Barack Obama has a multi-million dollar home and, it seems, a private beach. Personally, I'm glad. I mean would you want to trust your countries future with a guy living out of a cardboard box? I certainly wouldn't.
This, to me, just drives home the point that it's much better to pay close attention to the presidential primaries and then just ignore everything until it's time to vote. The primaries were a constant debate about ideas, hopes, and plans, the meat of a campaign. Now we get Obama being compared to Paris Hilton and John McCain mocked for having a lot of real estate. Can anyone say middle school. (I realize most middle-schooler have neither houses nor Paris Hilton, it's a metaphor about petty name calling.)
So I hope somebody from these campaigns reads this, because, that would be just cool. And it would mean someone was actually reading this. But also, maybe then we could get some discussion of the issues that really matter. Like how may cars Obama has.
Kiwifruit
As you can imagine this was quite a shock for me. I just always assumed that all politician were good hearted saints who gave all of thier money to the poor, at least all the money they haven't spent helping save cute little puppies.
Seriously, though, now we've got this huge flap about John McCain having loads of houses, which they seem to have countered by pointing out that Barack Obama has a multi-million dollar home and, it seems, a private beach. Personally, I'm glad. I mean would you want to trust your countries future with a guy living out of a cardboard box? I certainly wouldn't.
This, to me, just drives home the point that it's much better to pay close attention to the presidential primaries and then just ignore everything until it's time to vote. The primaries were a constant debate about ideas, hopes, and plans, the meat of a campaign. Now we get Obama being compared to Paris Hilton and John McCain mocked for having a lot of real estate. Can anyone say middle school. (I realize most middle-schooler have neither houses nor Paris Hilton, it's a metaphor about petty name calling.)
So I hope somebody from these campaigns reads this, because, that would be just cool. And it would mean someone was actually reading this. But also, maybe then we could get some discussion of the issues that really matter. Like how may cars Obama has.
Kiwifruit
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Beauty and the Beast
Thing #122: Men are civilized, women are savage...
I know, the last thing you expected to hear. And I'm sure many of you are laughing so hard it is difficult to read (Especially you women). But, it is the truth!
I have worked in retail long enough to know that when women shop, they transform into monstrous beasts that tear through your store leaving a trail of destruction. And men, well they transform too. They may be too stubborn to ask for directions on the road, but when a man walks into a woman's clothing store, they become timid and helpless creatures.
To illustrate my point, I will lay out two scenarios for you.
Scenario A:
Man goes into clothing store. He is looking for a shirt, but only because his wife FINALLY threw away all of his old ones that were ragged and full of holes.
He wanders around for a bit looking at shelfs and racks and tables with wide, fearful eyes. Suddenly, he sees a shirt. He decides he likes it, so he quickly grabs said shirt in every color available and proceeds to the check out.
Scenario B:
Woman goes into clothing store. She isn't looking for anything in particular.
She proceeds to the first rack, picking up, moving, and generally pawing through every item. Then the next rack, and the next.
Slowly, the beast begins to emerge. She begins to pick things up, walk around, toss them back on shelfs they don't belong on.
She heads next to the beautiful table displays. By now her transformation is in full swing. She goes into a frenzy, unfolding every shirt and tossing them all back in a pile on the table, the beauty now gone.
Finally she makes her way to the dressing room with the 14 items she has selected. She tries each one on, finally decides she hates the way she looks in everything and will buy nothing.
Before she leaves, she makes sure to take every one of her 14 items and put them back... in the wrong place.
So you see, I now spend my days and nights picking up the pieces left behind from these uncivilized encounters. I must now rest, and prepare to return on Monday, to try to bring some order to this chaos.
The Chimp
I know, the last thing you expected to hear. And I'm sure many of you are laughing so hard it is difficult to read (Especially you women). But, it is the truth!
I have worked in retail long enough to know that when women shop, they transform into monstrous beasts that tear through your store leaving a trail of destruction. And men, well they transform too. They may be too stubborn to ask for directions on the road, but when a man walks into a woman's clothing store, they become timid and helpless creatures.
To illustrate my point, I will lay out two scenarios for you.
Scenario A:
Man goes into clothing store. He is looking for a shirt, but only because his wife FINALLY threw away all of his old ones that were ragged and full of holes.
He wanders around for a bit looking at shelfs and racks and tables with wide, fearful eyes. Suddenly, he sees a shirt. He decides he likes it, so he quickly grabs said shirt in every color available and proceeds to the check out.
Scenario B:
Woman goes into clothing store. She isn't looking for anything in particular.
She proceeds to the first rack, picking up, moving, and generally pawing through every item. Then the next rack, and the next.
Slowly, the beast begins to emerge. She begins to pick things up, walk around, toss them back on shelfs they don't belong on.
She heads next to the beautiful table displays. By now her transformation is in full swing. She goes into a frenzy, unfolding every shirt and tossing them all back in a pile on the table, the beauty now gone.
Finally she makes her way to the dressing room with the 14 items she has selected. She tries each one on, finally decides she hates the way she looks in everything and will buy nothing.
Before she leaves, she makes sure to take every one of her 14 items and put them back... in the wrong place.
So you see, I now spend my days and nights picking up the pieces left behind from these uncivilized encounters. I must now rest, and prepare to return on Monday, to try to bring some order to this chaos.
The Chimp
Monday, August 11, 2008
And the Gold Goes to Canada
Thing #121: NBC stinks.
This is a bit harsh, but not, I think unwarrented. You see I love the Olympics. Not that I would ever, ever . . . ever (no this is NOT to much emphasis) be able to actually compete in the Olympics. I once wanted to be an Olympic rowing, but then realized that never actually having rown or even been in a boat I should find a more realistic dream. I ended up with watching the Olympics, which is much more realistic.
NBC is 'covering' the Olympics, so I came home from work and turned on NBC. Then, my wife tells me that it's not on again until eight (3 hours away). I wait the whole time. Then turned said channel back on. It was men's syncronized swimming. Yes, there is such a thing. No, I did not want to watch it. I have since landed on the local Canadian station which is covering . . . rowing! I love Canada.
Kiwifruit
This is a bit harsh, but not, I think unwarrented. You see I love the Olympics. Not that I would ever, ever . . . ever (no this is NOT to much emphasis) be able to actually compete in the Olympics. I once wanted to be an Olympic rowing, but then realized that never actually having rown or even been in a boat I should find a more realistic dream. I ended up with watching the Olympics, which is much more realistic.
NBC is 'covering' the Olympics, so I came home from work and turned on NBC. Then, my wife tells me that it's not on again until eight (3 hours away). I wait the whole time. Then turned said channel back on. It was men's syncronized swimming. Yes, there is such a thing. No, I did not want to watch it. I have since landed on the local Canadian station which is covering . . . rowing! I love Canada.
Kiwifruit
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