Is This a Dream?

You just never know . . . You think you're asleep, so nothing else interesting will happen, and then you get suprised.

I was quite sound asleep approximately 20 minutes ago. Then the sound of loud music, from outside and the sudden turning on of my light, woke me up. I promptly yelled to my roommate, who I thought had turned it on to no avail.

So, what else could I do? I dragged my self out of bed and turned my light off, quite in a daze. Matt, realizing what he had done quickly apologized from his room. He didn't know I was asleep, so I quickly forgave him, and was headed off to bed, when I heard it.

It was that music again. Coming through my door. I thought to myself, "This isn't going to do at all." So I went outside, where the music almost leveled me. Turns out it was my a bunch of guys from the door. Without missing a beat, Gabe told me it would just be a minute. He thought I was going to complain, and the truth is, I had intended to. It was, after all, after courtesy hours, and I was quite tired.

But I didn't. See, once I saw them all gathered around, jamming away on thier guitars, I was really impressed. I guess is one thing to wake up because someone's banging on the wall, or blaring a stereo, but this was art. So, all I could say was, "Sounds good," with and approving smile.

So, I turned to walk away, thinking my strange night was over, when I saw someone watching me from the stairwell. It was Diana, one of my co-workers, shaking her head slowly with a laptop on her lap. I stopped and looked at her for a moment, perplex. "What are you doing outside my door with a laptop?"

Diana seemed quite amused by this, so she explained to me that she was using Matt's laptop, and invited me to see here PowerPoint presentation. After this, I returned to bed, but it just seemed like this needed to be cronicled. So I did. Now, I'm going to bed.

Flaming Kiwifruit

On a Roll

When you go to take off a flat tire, make sure the parking brake is engaged. I didn't. It was fine until I actually went to turn the lug nut. That's about the point when the car started rolling towards the hill. Naturally, I valiently grasped onto the special tire wrench thing to stop it and held back the force of the car.

So, there we were, me and the car locked in perfect tension, neither willing to budge. Thankfully, my mother had recently purchased me a nifty cell phone holder that clipped to my belt. It was on the side with my free hand. I swiftly pulled the cell phone loose and dialed my house, which was only about five feet away. The conversation went something like this.

Ian: Hello.
Me: Ian! Come out and put the parking brake on my car!
Ian (confused): What?
Me (vehemently): COME OUTSIDE AND TURN ON MY PARKING BREAK!!!!!!!!
Ian (still confused): Okay . . .

Thankfully he rushed out and put on the parking brake saving me from imminent danger. I certainly won't make that mistake again.

Flaming Kiwifruit

I'm Back!

Sorry again for the absence. This past week I've done everything short of attaining world peace. A quick run down of my recent activies:

1. Did all the principal photography on a short film.
2. Wrote a 3,000 word paper.
3. Learned several piano pieces/scales.
4. Planned and excecuted the invasion of several small countries . . .

No, wait. That last one's not right. Oh, well, anyway there were more accomplishments, but enough with the excuses. Onto the fun stuff. I went to Junior/Senior last night with a friend of mine, Borghy. It was great. Here's what I learned:

1. There is a thin line between a hotel and a theme park. That place was AMAZING.
2. Glass elevators make great rides.
3. Tyler likes photography.
4. When you dance, the guy's hand does NOT go on the girls shoulder. I think I already knew that, but I clearly forgot.
5. "Roast Duck Confit" is not a dish. It's French for "A teenie bit of duck shredded over something."
6. Although it's cool watching your chocolate wrap stick thing melt into your coffee, it doesn't make your coffee taste chocolatey.
7. You can make a paper cup out of a large cloth napkin.
8. If you're in an area with a shortage of bears, gators are sufficient to stand in.
9. Don't try to jump into the gator spring.
10. I like to play piano.
11. Billy Joel, "Pianoman" really is a great song.
12. Heart of palms make a great addition to any salad.
13. When you go to something so memorable, you learn a lot of new things.

Okay, well, that was wordy. Or long at least. Good Night all.

Flaming Kiwifruit

What's That Smell?

When you're going away for a week, don't forget your clothes. At least I had the clothes on my back. It's a good thing I was only an hour from campus and could pick them up on my way to AL. Otherwise, it would have been a very interesting week.

Also, there really is no place like home. I love being back!

Thirdly, improvisational humor (improv) isn't nearly as easy as it looks. Ian and I tried to entertain our family with it. It involved me trying to deposit a howitzer monkey at Ian's bank. I was shocked when he informed me that they just threw them in the sewer anyway. Not good.

Flaming Kiwifruit

My Education at Work

Writing one's name in mirror image with both hands on the dry erase board is a fun and exciting way to pass class time. Steve Barnes does a mean Irish jig. As Borghy described it it's "like Swan Lake . . . on crack." Journalism class is far more interesting when Mr. Gibson is out. For the record, we still got the objectives for the day accomplished. Happy St. Patty's day.

E-What?

Apparently, E-Bay was founded by the devil and the 'E' stands for evil. I'm not sure about that...

You can save the world with a felt board and the Holy Spirit. And you can illustrate anything with them . . . even the story where the guy got the tent peg through his head. That was disturbing. Almost as disturbing as the dead people sitting up and singing, "Praise Ye the Lord!"
Those FX guys and gals are crazy . . .

Flaming Kiwifruit

Dung and Beaurocracy

Being sick is like shoveling elephant dung. Or so Steve says. Right now, I think I'd take the dung.

Also to put up the sign from the old Oyster Bar lot. And all because they were in the "Triangle of Sight." Figure that out..... the Rental Center on the corner of the Grocery Store, our Church had to get permission from the Car Lot, so they could use the old Oyster Bar lot. And all because it was in the "Triangle of Sight." Figure that one out.

Flaming Kiwifruit

STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've learned a lot of new things lately. I don't actually need sleep. Lack of sleep is detrimental to coherent thought. Don't try to post when you're sleep deprived. Our college radio station is like the Marines. We don't get tanks unless they're leaking oil and missing tracks. Actually, the radio station doesn't get tanks. Too bad about that. My favorite lesson, though, comes from one of my Dad's sermons:

"God is gentler than Jean-Luc Picard and probably sterner when he gets up in your face."

You can't beat that. Sorry it's been a while, busy, busy, busy!!!

College Teaches Me Much

First of all, I'd like to apoligize for my 'awayness' of late. College is busy. I knew that yesterday. Here's a review of the lessons I've learned since then:

1. I like dieting. Calm down, I wouldn't try it personally, but twice in the past few weeks, I've been given chocolate by people who were dieting. Everyone should diet . . . except me of course.

2. If you're on a long car ride, it is NOT a good idea to begin a debate about a highly charged political event. If I have to hear one more word about justifcations for the war in Iraq . . .

3. When you learn something new, write it down. I know there was more than this.

As always,

Flaming Kiwifruit

And You Know This, How?

If the teacher asks, "Do they still throw chairs on Jerry Springer?" Don't be to quick to answer. That poor girl. I'm sure she regretted that. For the record they still do . . .

Flaming Kiwifruit

Occupational Hazards

I have occupational hazards . . . or rather an occupational hazard. Yes, sadly today while I was sorting the junk mail we were sending out (sorry about that) I recieved a ghastly paper cut the size of Cincinatti or an "I" on this page. Seem somehow fitting though, like the junk mail was saying, "If I can't ruin your life enough by overcrowding your mail box, then I'll just resort to physical assault." So, remember when you get all that junk mail and want to call down fire to consume whoever sent it to you, whoever sent it to you hates junk mail just as much, if not more than you . . .

Flaming Kiwifruit

Free Kiwi!

Apparently, Daryl is a unisex name, or so says the parenting magazine we found in the mailroom. Additionally, Oslo and Oona are viable male names, and, much to my chagrin, Kiwi is a viable female name . . . I'm starting a revolution. "FREE KIWI!!!!!!!!!"

The Flaming ----fruit

(Insert Clever Title Here)

. . . That I don't learn much when I sit around all day doing nothing on my vacations from school.

And, that the cat can NOT fit all the way through the ice dispenser on our refridgerator.

The Chimp

Get Yo' Own Muse, Punk!

Apparently, the phrase, 'Get yo' muse on!' is taboo in this household.

Also, size 54 underwear makes a bad gift. Thankfully I learned this second-hand.

Flaming Kiwifruit

Cheap CD's: Not So "Groovy"

There's a reason CD's are marked down to 25 cents. The following lyrics are among them.

1. Take a look at what Jesus did, I think that's so groovy. The living Word, God walking in the flesh, and I think that it's so groovy. (Scarecrow and Tinman, "Groovy")

2. Just then I noticed a sign. It read, "Renew your soul through Jesus at Exit 39." I walked through an open door and I statrted to listen . . . I saw water turn to wine at Exit 39 - Down at Exit 39." (John Elefante, Exit 39)

3. "Hold on as tight as you can, we're gonna blast upon this land with a supersonic kind of love dripping from God's Bionic Son." (Scarecrow and Tinman, "Bionic Son")

Need I say more... Well, it's not all bad. Rick Elias', Blink is quite good. I still haven't gotten brave enough to try This Trains', Mimes of the Old West... Yeah, we were desperate at 4 (it was 4 for $1 or 88 cents apeice.).

Additionally, there is no button on my keyboard for the little cent symbol. Happy New Year.

Flaming Kiwifruit

The Last Man

The last name listed on the credits for "The Return of the King" is . . .


(appropriate dramatic drum roll to build suspense)


Dang, I forgot . . . HA! Just kidding. It's investment consultant Richard Reiner.

All I have to say is, "Richie, you da MAN!" Or was it, "I cannot believe I just wasted all that time looking through the credits for that!" At any rate, now you're life is complete.

Flaming Kiwifruit

Merry Lederhosen

"Raw leather lederhosen" is too long to be an AIM screen name. So is "leather lederhosen." "lederhosen" and "king lederhosen" were taken. Only "raw lederhosen" will work. This is so disturbing to my psyche that I will probably never use it, again. I'm sure that's more than you ever wanted to know. Thank Stevieboy (my aforementioned brother-in-law) for that one.

Flaming Kiwifruit

I'll Say No More . . .

Well, well, well . . .

My brother-in-law grows more disturbing daily!

I will never look at the word lederhosen the same again!

That is all I'm saying!!!!

The Chimp

T'was The Night Before Christmas . . . Part Two

Well, just when I thought I could not be more disturbed.

You cannot begin to imagine how many utterly disturbing things I learned about my family tonight.

Stephen grew progressivly more disturbing, but most of that I cannot in all good conscience share with you, as it would scar you for life too.

Nothing beats seeing my father wearing a camel mask and rapping about the 'Christ Child' as they (He, Tyler and Holli) preformed a Christmas play.

Oh, well, except seeing my aforementioned father sit and talk on the phone with a burgandy pillow case and a brown frilly curtain tie on his head for an hour.

Then there was the purple pillow which made an . . . um . . . interesting hat. Donned by me (I'm sorry to say). Stephen, maybe others, I lost track . . .

All in all, I am exhausted, disturbed, and all around scared out of my mind. I would post the other disturbing things I learned if I hadn't already repressed them. Maybe when the chaos subsides . . .

The Chimp

T'was The Night Before Christmas . . .

Well . . . many new things have I learned thus far this day.

My brother-in-law is more disturbing if he is bored. What else can he do to scar me for life? Grabbing my brother's hinder parts, attaching sticky Christmas bows to his own hinder parts . . . Need I go on?

My family never changes. We completed our annual puzzle tonight which we do every Christmas. We fought over who's pieces were being taken by whom; we fought over who got to put in the last piece, and in the end, they finished the puzzle . . . while I, the one who had started the puzzle in the first place, was gone!!! Ah! Family and the Holidays! Does it get any better?

Well, Merry Christmas All. Hope you enjoy your holiday!

The Chimp